How to choose a Mother

unnamed-6One of my spiritual teachers told me we choose our parents. Just take a second to think that over- you.chose.your.parents. I thought that was really cool and very empowering. The idea that your soul chooses your parents so that you may be shaped into the person you are to become and lead the life you are meant to have may be far fetched to some, but it is super intriguing to me. My mind went to an imaginary conversation I might have had with God (or whatever higher power exists), filling out an order form not unlike choosing a cake at a bakery.

“I have some must-haves” I’d have said to God. “Understandable.” He/She/It/They would have replied. “Talk to me” God said. “Ok,” I said, taking a deep breath and getting to business. “I want someone who is incredibly nurturing, affectionate, kind, warm, and loving.” God smiled. “Of course. That’s a very popular model.” said God. “Ok,” I said. “I also want someone who will show me what love is. I want someone who will hold me and care for me, and feel for me when I’m sad, and protect me, and keep my best interests at heart, and who will help guide me by encouraging my talents, and discouraging my bad behavior.” Again, God smiled and nodded. “No problem. That’s again, very doable. What else?” I thought for a moment. “Ok, she needs to be silly I think.” “Silly?” asked God, surprised. “Yeah.” I said. “I think that will be really good for me. Someone who will laugh at me to tell me I’m funny, and who will find the humor in life so I will model myself after her and not take things too seriously. I want her to do silly things.” “Like what?” said God. I was feeling inspired.  “She will dance and sing! She will sing along to songs on the radio, and harmonize, and do a butt bump dance to songs from the 1970’s! I also think she should be creative. She should be artistic, and good with people, and do crafts. I want her to be able to sew my clothes and halloween costumes, and I want her to be a partner to my zany childhood ideas!” God was pleased. “Wow!” God said. “This is good stuff. I’m starting to get an idea.” God reached for a file. “I think I have just the person. She’s an American.” God said. “Awesome!” I blurted excitedly. “Americans are well fed.” God laughed and then sighed a little sadly. “Yes. You will be well fed. You will be rich in many ways. There is a catch, though.” God said. I hesitated. “What?” I begged cautiously. “She’s not perfect.” God said. I paused. “Ok. you have any in that model?” I asked. “No.” said God. “We don’t actually make them that way. That’s kind of the point.” I furrowed my brow, trying to understand. “You see,” God began, “Your relationship with your mother is the very first human relationship you will have. She is the first smell, taste, touch, sound, sight, you will ever know. She will create your body from her body, and grow your heart from her love. But she is meant to be imperfect. As with any relationship in your life, while there is no such thing as perfect, there is such a thing as perfect for you, and that’s exactly who I will give you. I’ll do the same for your father.” I thought about it. “Ok. No offense God, but why don’t you make them perfect, if you can? Just asking.” God nodded. “Well, it’s simple and complex. I am giving you to each other. You are meant to enhance each other’s lives. You will live your life feeling that she has saved your life, that she has given you everything, that you owe her a debt you will never be able to repay. The trick is- she will feel the same way about you. The love you bring to her life will be unlike anything she’s known. She will be humbled by it. And you will both grow to be more compassionate, more understanding, and more loving to the world around you, because of the love you have for each other.” I nodded in muddy comprehension as God continued, “Another reason is, you are meant to be the next edition of your parents, like a new model. Not better, but different. When they are imperfect, you have something to strive for-mistakes to try and correct, flaws you want to surpass, dreams you want to accomplish. You may not ever get to do these, but with your parent’s help, you realize what is important in life, what you want out of life, and who you want to become. If your parents were perfect, you’d have nothing to grow toward. You’d have no one to learn from. You’d have no reason to try harder, and you wouldn’t properly know unconditional love or compassion.” I was struck. “Wow.” I said. “That is super clever.” Again, God nodded. “Yeah, some people don’t get it so easy. I’m going to really bless with you with this great mother. She will teach you how to be a strong woman. She will be an excellent role model for you. Her anger will fuel you, her sadness will motivate you. Her approval will enliven you. I think this is a good choice.” When God gives you a gift, you say thank you. And so I did. “Thanks G. I appreciate it.” God shrugged in reply “I didn’t choose.. you did. You made a good choice. The perfect choice for you. And one day, I can’t wait to see who chooses you.”

You choose your parents? Sure. Why not? If that’s true, I made a damn good choice. So much of who I am is because of this perfect relationship between two imperfect people. Props to the Universe for giving me the chance to have a great Mom. I hope you all have the same. Why did you choose your Mother? Maybe this Mother’s Day, you can tell her.

PS- Can I just say I also had 2 kick ass grandmas, both amazing cooks of Mexican food. Both ballzy as all hell. Mexican Women are tough as nails and loving as teddy bears. Also I have an amazing mother in law, who is the most sensible, kind, and adorable woman, and who produced the most sensible, kind, and adorable man. My mother in law also made an amazing choice for her mom. Thank you to Anyu for touching my life. Thank you to all the women who are tough and loving survivors, to those who never give up. I am inspired by your courage and unending love, your tireless efforts, and the contribution you are making to this planet. Thank you.

Happy Mother’s Day!

5 Thoughts on “How to choose a Mother

  1. MaryAnn Powell on May 10, 2014 at 11:59 pm said:

    Sara, have I told you lately how happy I am that you are in our lives?

  2. Hi Sara,
    Our Mothers are friends and mine sent me this post. You touched my heart and summed things up so well. I cried and laughed at the same time. Thank you for your clever sensitive writing. You are gifted in verse.

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